July 13th, 2011

Miscarriage. The topic of today's conversation/blog. Are you aware that approximately 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage?  It's an incredibly common thing but it seems in my circle of family/friends, few people talk about it.  (Therefore my assumption was that few had experienced it.)

July 13th was the due date for our first pregnancy.

James and I had agreed that our pursuit to start a family would begin when we were making offers on homes.  We were thrilled and overwhelmed when our first month of "trying" was a success.  We were anxious to share with family and quickly spread the word.  For Thanksgiving we headed to South Dakota to spend the holiday with my family which meant we were able to share our exciting news in person.

Throughout the trip, a stomach bug was going around, starting with my nephew, moving on to Maury, my sister-in-law, brother then James.  My mom and I were steering clear.  Until I was about to go to bed on Friday night and I started to get some stomach pains.  I crawled into bed hoping to sleep things off.  In no time, I was experiencing excruciating pains.  Like a I'm going to pass out and I am sure I was 20 shades of white. My symptoms weren't along the lines of what those who had the stomach bug were going through but I assumed this was what I was experiencing.  Symptoms changed and I said a little prayer that if I was miscarrying, to please not be getting the stomach bug as well.  At this point, my mom and I debated a trip to the local emergency room - keep in mind that James was curled up in bed.  The pain had seemed to pass so I went to bed and said if the pain occurred again we would head to the hospital.  Throughout all of this I was amazingly calm.  Silly as it may sound, I was quite educated about a miscarriage.  I'd read more about than the average expecting woman.  Almost as if I was prepared for it to happen.  Strange. When I told James I was fairly certain I was miscarrying, he reacted in a very similar matter but more along the lines of our bodies rejecting a pregnancy because something is not right.  I cannot even begin to explain how much it helped to have James' matter-of-fact opinion.

We returned home and I visited the Dr's office who confirmed the miscarriage.  My body was recovering on it's own, like it should.  The Dr went over how long we should wait to begin trying for another baby.

Again, I cannot comment on how calm, cool and collected we were about this miscarriage.  We were confident we'd be pregnant again in the near future.  This was not a sign of something James or I did wrong, genetically or in the beginning phases of the pregnancy.  We were 100% okay with what had happened.

It's amazing, as you talk about a miscarriage, how many women you will find in your circle of family and friends who have experienced a miscarriage.  Each woman (and man) has a different reaction to a miscarriage.  Sensitivity is key.  I didn't want to dwell on the miscarriage.  Others may never want to speak of it or they may want to speak of the miscarriage a great deal.  My best piece of advice, listen and offer emotional support.